Torch Articles

Prince Harry, known as a royal “bad-boy” who lives more by instinct than decree, surprised much of the world by pronouncing his need for therapy. The emotion of his mother’s death when he was only 12 finally caught up with him in his 20’s. Even the proverbial stiff upper lip, especially associated with royalty and the Brits in general, eventually succumbed to the reality of emotions peppered with tragedy.

There are threads of shame, and guilt associated with anyone “needing” mental health, as well as a chink in the armor of pride and self-reliance.  Many feel they may not be able to fix a broken a leg, but emotional pain seems to fall under the heading of “I can take care of it myself.” Unless there’s visible blood and body parts dismembered, society has fostered a disdain for leaning on the medical establishment for anything less.  A weak character is impugned especially when needing help to find one’s emotional equilibrium. Apparently this is the case even if one’s mother is Lady Di, whose death left a ton of questions unanswered.

Prince Harry, after consulting with his older brother William, finally sought the help he needed when he was in his late 20’s. Although therapy is never quite the panacea, it still helps us get back on track. And for those who insist on personal responsibility, much of therapy relies on the client to stitch his or her life back together again.

Yet the stigma (or ignorance) of mental health festers in society to the point where U.S. legislators deny its need to serve the public. New Republican versions of health care deliberately defund mental health needs as though it were inconsequential to the welfare and overall health of a person. Strength of character seems the rationale to discard mental health coverage. It’s mostly wimpy liberals who seek counseling anyway, or so the rumor has it. Mental health is viewed as an un-American activity. America is built on the shoulders of strong men and women.

The denial of mental health coverage in some new iteration of health care will prove detrimental to the public. The political right refuses to acknowledge that a broken spirit can be more devastating than a broken leg. Depression can be more debilitating than the flu.

Prince Harry broke with a tradition that tends to minimize mental health needs. Even royalty, as pampered as they might be, still suffer the ravages of emotional trauma. It’s part of being human, regardless in which station in life we find ourselves. We can pretend to resume business as usual after devastating life experiences, but the pain will always find us eventually. We owe Harry an enormous debt of gratitude. It’s not easy to expose oneself so publicly, but he put mental health back on the table for us all to reconsider. Let’s hope Congress has enough presence of mind to listen. TRG

As my departure letter stated, my last day of ministry with you is approaching, May 11.  In the coming weeks there will be many goodbyes...we may even tire of saying goodbye to one another.  By the end we may be wondering, “Aren’t you gone yet?!”  Friday May 5 in the evening will be a gratitude for ministry event in which Tom Goldsmith will be honored for his 30 years of service with you along with my two years.  Sunday, May 7 will be my last Sunday service with you.

One of the most enduring images for my ministry comes from “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.  This tale about a pilot who has crash-landed in the desert and befriends a childlike interstellar traveller includes a vignette in which the Little Prince befriends a fox.  The fox asks the Prince to tame him, explaining that to tame means “to establish ties.”  “Once you have tamed me,” says the fox, “I shall know your steps as different from all others.  And the wheat-fields, which before meant nothing to me, shall remind me of you, for they are the color of your hair.  Before I had no use for wheat, for I am a fox.  But once you have tamed me they shall bring me back to you.”  When the time comes for the fox and Prince to part the fox cries, and the Prince exclaims, “But you asked me to tame you!  And now you are sad.  It was for nothing.”  “No, not for nothing,” replies the fox, “for now I have the wheat fields.”

I have loved this notion and carried it close to my heart throughout my ministries in congregations, hospitals and summer camps, with youth, elders, families, individuals, staff and volunteers.  It poignantly communicates the power of relationships, how they connect us and how we carry pieces of them with us wherever we travel, or wherever we remain.  In many powerful ways I feel as though I am made up of the pieces and relationships I carry with me from where I have been before, by those with whom I have engaged in a mutual taming process.

Thank you for taming me, Friends.  Thank you for showing up faithfully, along with me, for the ministry of this faith and this congregation.  Thank you for inviting me into your lives and the life of this community.  It has been a joy to be in The Work with you...the work of “nurturing and challenging spiritual and intellectual growth...actively engaging in building and progressive and just community.”

The Work, of course, continues, though we will be doing it in different ways and in separate places.  As my work shifts to hospital chaplaincy in Vancouver, Washington, I will turn my attention and energies there.  Though you remain in my heart I will refrain from engaging you so that you and I will have time and space to build new relationships for vibrant, powerful ministries.  I wish you all the best in your new ministry with my successor, once they are secured.  They will benefit from your focus and welcome.

Our Unitarian Universalist faith and ministry ethics ask that ministers and congregations refrain from contact for a period of at least a year after leavetaking occurs.  This helps ensure success of the ministers and ministries that follow.  Please know that my silence is an expression of respect - for you, for this future ministry and for the movement we share which is so deeply and desperately needed in the world today.  Please know, too, that Tom Goldsmith and I will continue to be in touch as colleagues and friends and that I will be available to staff if there are resources, connections or dangling threads that need completion and tying off.  Tom will be aware of my whereabouts and how to contact me.  Though I will not “unfriend” you on social I will also not seek you out and will not discuss church business.

Thank you for the wheatfields, my friends - in this case, the mountains, desert, red rock, bright sun, Jazz Vespers, Art Festival, Winter Solstice, Coming of Age...and all the unique things that make up this community of First Church and Salt Lake City.

In the words of the poet, ee cummings, who was raised a Unitarian and schooled at Harvard:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I’ll be seeing you around this UU world we share.

Here’s to The Work,

Friends!Peace, Faith & Passion,

Matthew

More from Matthew

First Church Orientation Session - Tuesday, May 9, 7-9 p.m. - New to First Church or Unitarian Universalism?  Wondering what you can expect or what the church expects of you?  Join Revs. Tom Goldsmith and Matthew Cockrum along with other newcomers and church leaders for this orientation.  Childcare available.  Reservations required.  Please reserve your spot via e-mail () or phone (801.582.8687 ext. 205) with names and contact info of those attending along with names and ages of children needing childcare.

April 22nd 2017

First Unitarian Church Of Salt Lake City’s Annual Fine Art & Crafts Fair 5:00 – 10:00 pm

With live performances by

5:15 - 5:35 pm - Java Jive - Jazz Vocal Ensemble, Little Chapel

6:00 - 6:30 pm - Quattro Amici - Italian Madrigal Quartet, Little Chapel

7:00 - 8:00 pm - Aerial Arts of Utah - High Flying Acts of Strength and Grace, Sanctuary

8:30 - 9:30 pm - Tablado - Flamenco Guitar, Dance and Song (ending with audience dance participation), Little Chapel

Dear Friends,

With joy and gratitude I write to share with you the news of my next steps in ministry. I have accepted an invitation to join the Spiritual Care Team of Salmon Creek Medical Center in Vancouver, Washington, as a Chaplain. Though pastoral care has been a minimal part of my formal portfolio at First Church it has long been a passion and one of the most rewarding and inspiring paths of ministry for me. I am not only deeply relieved to know where Chad and I will land - as we had hoped, returning to the Pacific Northwest which so nourished us - but also grateful and humbled to be invited into this work in a medical center where spiritual care is well-integrated into the life of the institution.

Hospitals, like much of the world, are on a different timetable than churches, and Salmon Creek is no different. As such, I will begin my employment with them on May 15. Though this is one full month earlier than my anticipated June 15 end date with you here at First Church, I intend to finish well with you, wrapping up projects, transitioning leadership teams for the continued work of building Beloved Community that fulfills the mission of the church: to nurture and challenge the spiritual and intellectual journey for all generations and to actively engage in building a progressive and just world. My last day on-site at First Church will be Thursday, May 11.

I look forward to opportunities to say good goodbyes to as many of you as possible in the coming weeks. Our remaining time together will be short and full, given that Chad and I will be spending several days of early April (April 7-12) in our new city seeking housing. Chad will remain here to complete his teaching contract at the American International School of Utah until early June when we will make our final move.

The wisdom I have gleaned from my previous work in chaplaincy as well as transitional ministry has taught me that there are four important elements of leavetaking:

Offering thanks for the gifts of shared life.

Offering apology for shortcomings and faults.

Offering forgiveness and acceptance for the same.

Offering love.

In that spirit, then, I thank you for your generous welcome and inclusion in the life and ministries of First Church and in your lives, individually. I have been blessed to journey alongside this community and many of you, personally, during times of joy, celebration and struggle. You have taught me much about the power of politically and socially relevant ministry. Your aspirations and dedication are an inspiration that will continue to nourish not only you and this place but also me as I move on in ministry.

I apologize for the ways I may have fallen short in my charge here. I have at times allowed myself to become unfocused and absorbed in the complexities of this vibrant and active place. I have cast too narrow a vision at times of the radical welcome and hospitality of which you are capable and of the opportunities for deeper, richer adult religious education experiences.

I accept and release you to continue to be and to become more fully who you are as a community. I know my style of ministry is different and has at times clashed with some elements of the culture of this place in its worship and work.

Finally, I love you. I love the activist spirit of this place. I cherish your tenacity of spirit, your 126-year history and your determination to continue to be a force for liberal and liberating religion in this Valley and beyond. You are, indeed, a blessing.

I wish you all the very best in your continued journey as you grow into your emerging vision of ministry together. It has been an honor to be part of First Church.

Here’s to The Work, Friends.

Peace, Faith & Passion,

Matthew

Rev. Matthew Cockrum

Consulting Minister for Congregational Life

More from Matthew

Consulting the Consultant - On Saturday, February 25, over 60 congregants of the First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake City, Utah, joined Consulting Minister, Rev. Matthew Cockrum and the Congregational Life Minister Support Team (Christine Ashworth, Philip Moos and John Rasmuson), for a session of feedback, reflection and strategizing for next steps. Rev. Tom Goldsmith and Support Team members shared briefly about the need for and creation of the Minister for Congregational Life position. For a copy of the notes from that meeting, please click here or pick up a paper copy in the office.

Seeking the Sources on 4/24, 6:45-8:45 p.m. Room 201 - LAST SESSION - Join Rev. Matthew and other seekers for a final session of Seeking the Sources. Come dressed for meditation and movement. We will explore our sixth source: Spiritual teachings of Earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

UU Orientation Session - Tuesday, May 9, 7-9 p.m. - Newcomers to First Church and/or Unitarian Universalism, please join Revs. Tom Goldsmith and Matthew Cockrum along with other newcomers and congregational leaders to explore your questions and some possible answers about what you can expect of First Church and what First Church can expect of you! RSVP with number in your party and child care needs to or 801.582.8687 ext. 205.

Here at First Church, we are already looking ahead to a family-friendly theme in which we will integrate our Seven Principles into the six days of the week when you’re typically not in church. It’s actually very simple.

Our theme for next year is called “Faith in Action”. It involves a process that is underway at Unitarian churches nationwide. It revolves around making family, home and community the basis of our year-long teachings.

When you hear the word “silo”, you undoubtedly picture a tall, tubular structure in which farmers store their grain. Well, imagine for a moment that Church-on-Sunday is a silo. You’re in a fairly contained environment in which news, spiritual inspiration, conversation and coffee come together on that day.

So what about Monday through Saturday! Our objective is to move beyond the traditional one-day “silo” of worship, social justice and religious education…and explore new ways to extend Unitarian principles into everyday life.

Another way of looking at this shift is to take Sunday’s inspiration into the rest of the week—faith in action whether you’re at home, at work or in school.

It starts with creating a few home-based traditions. Consider linking the messages and comaraderie you experience on Sunday with conversations and activities at home. On the Church side of the equation, we’ll emphasize several themes in our RE program:

self-awareness (why do I go to church…can I relate to the messages I hear here?)

experiential learning (learning by doing through music, art and teaching)

intersection of spirituality and social justice (can I apply what I hear in church to everyday life?)

The RE program features four “strands” that, woven together, become a “tapestry of faith”. This fabric, so to speak, is the foundation for our overall curricula but takes on special meaning for our third and fourth graders (8- and 9-year-olds). The four strands include the following:

• ethical development
• faith development
• spiritual development
• Unitarian identity

Consider yourselves ‘moral agents’ … individuals who demonstrate honesty and compassion in everyday life. Extend that sensibility to your family, friends and colleagues. Enable your children to explore, grow and experience joy despite the inherent challenges of growing up.

We will continue to discuss the meaning of “Faith in Action” over the next two months. Please stay tuned!

In Service,

Julie Miller, DRE

Attention Committee Chairs! It’s that time of year again. Please send your committee reports to Jenni at by Monday, May 1st to be included in the Annual Report for the 2016-2017 church year.

Dinner and Dialogue Due to the amazing and generous support of so many of you, our Dinner and Dialogue events have been going very well. It seems that we are getting to know each other better! Please feel free to host a dinner (or lunch or brunch if you wish) on a date and time of your choosing in your home, or sign up to attend one. We have newcomers and old-timers alike participating, so be sure to look over the white binder at the Congregational Life Table in Eliot Hall to see what might interest you. You can contact Darlene Thayne at suppers @slcuu.org or 801-455-6553 if you need any assistance on this. Let's get acquainted!

Mindfulness Group Every Sunday, meditation is offered as a time to pause, practice calming our thoughts and setting an intention to be mindful in our daily life. Guidance for developing meditation practice is shared along with suggested websites and reading. The community supports our intention to experience the benefits of being mindfully aware so that we may cultivate and live with calm, peace and ease. All are welcome. Sundays Following the end of the first service, in the Parlor.

UU Lunch Bunch A family-friendly group for anyone and everyone who would like to get together for lunch and chat with like-minded people. Meet at the Restaurant on Sundays at 1 pm. For more information contact Sonia Carnell at (801) 262-1151 or .

April 9: Black Sheep (1048 East 2100 South)
April 16: Silver Fork Lodge & Restaurant (11332 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Rd.)
April 23: Arts Fair at the Church
April 30: Red Moose Coffee Company (1693 South 900 East)
May 7: Market Street Grill (54 West Market St.)
May 14: Provisions (3364 South 2300 East)
May 21st: Congregational Meeting - no lunch bunch today
May 28th: Flatbread Naepolitian Pizzeria (2121 S. McClelland, Ste. E)

Environmental Ministry and the Anti-Racism Committee invite you to join us at these upcoming marches:

Trump Taxes March - Yes, We Care! – Sat, Apr 15th – Noon-2PM - Salt Lake City and County Building -- Across the country We The People will be rallying on Tax Day, calling on the President to act transparently and release his tax returns. It’s about economic justice. It’s about how the superrich and corporations get more influence than We The People–especially people of color, women, immigrants, the queer/LGBT-identified, and workers. Facebook Event (RSVP & invite your friends)

March for Science - Sat, Apr 22nd – 3-5PM – City Creek Park to the Capitol -- Science, not silence. Take a stand for science in politics. The March for Science champions publicly funded and publicly communicated science as a pillar of human freedom and prosperity. We unite as a diverse, nonpartisan group to call for science that upholds the common good, and for political leaders and policymakers to enact evidence-based policies in the public interest. Facebook Event (RSVP & invite your friends)

Utah People’s Climate March - Sat, Apr 29th, 1-3PM - SLC Main Public Library to the Governor’s Mansion -- The event begins at 1:00 PM in Library Square with a rally and speaker program. At 2:00 PM we will embark on the March to the Governor’s Mansion to deliver the Student Resolution on Climate: http://le.utah.gov/~2017/bills/static/SJR009.html to Governor Gary Herbert and demand that Utah recognize and take action on Climate Change. Facebook (Invite your friends).

For questions or if you’d like to volunteer to help carry our church banners at these marches: stop by the Environmental Ministry Table on Sunday or contact Joan Gregory at .

Reverendly Yours (Rev. Tom Goldsmith)

It was Veteran’s Day of 2016, just a few days after Trump became president. (I consciously did not write was “elected” president). Veteran’s Day fell on a Friday last year, and it was my first wedding under the new administration. Not that a president holds sway over my wedding ceremonies, but I knew the guests would be impacted by the surprise results. The groom’s family had barely enough commonsense to grudgingly vote for Hillary. The bride’s family was another matter. The peers of the bridal couple were all Democrats; the peers of the parents were Trump supporters. During the reception I was assigned a dinner seat with the older guests. I looked for ways to kind of slither towards where the younger ones gathered, but any movement in that direction would have been sorely conspicuous. I was held hostage.

Not even my wife was there to protect me. The wedding was in Phoenix. One of my son’s dearest friends imported me to do the job. I had to be on my best behavior. I planned to be fully absorbed by my plate of salmon, looking meekly downwards, and pretending I was wearing a “Do Not Disturb” sign. The gentleman to my left apparently took no notice of my demeanor, and asked for my impression of our new president. My son, who spied on me from afar, later said that I seemed quite animated in my dinner conversation. I commended him on his polite euphemism.

How do we talk civilly to those on the other side of this painful divide that tears our nation apart? Certainly not all who disagree with me politically can be tossed into the infamous “deplorable” basket. How can we expect behavior to change in government when a furor over different values and worldviews preclude an otherwise nice conversation at a wedding celebration? The wrenching divide is experienced in families, former friends, neighbors, and co-workers. If our pets could talk we would probably have discord there, too.

Our church’s Social Justice Council has made better communications across the divide a priority. (And none of them were even at my wedding in Phoenix). In an effort to (at least) begin dealing with the issue, which we all recognize as painful, yet somehow intractable, we will hold a discussion in Eliot Hall on Thursday, May 4th from 7:00p.m. -9:00p.m. Wazir Jefferson and I will co-facilitate what is bound to be a lively discussion. We will show two Ted Talks on the large screen that speak directly to this tough communication barrier, which ultimately ends up so disabling.

Who knows? By the end of the evening you may have an attitudinal adjustment to help you reconnect with all of civilization. It may take some of us a bit longer than one session. Our hope is that the evening will be fun and provocative. If there is any hope for change, we might as well start by looking at ourselves. See you on May 4th. TRG

April 22nd 2017

First Unitarian Church Of Salt Lake City’s Annual Fine Art & Crafts Fair 5:00 – 10:00 pm

With live performances by

5:15 - 5:35 pm - Java Jive - Jazz Vocal Ensemble, Little Chapel

6:00 - 6:30 pm - Quattro Amici - Italian Madrigal Quartet, Little Chapel

7:00 - 8:00 pm - Aerial Arts of Utah - High Flying Acts of Strength and Grace, Sanctuary

8:30 - 9:30 pm - Tablado - Flamenco Guitar, Dance and Song (ending with audience dance participation), Little Chapel

My wife, Marcia and I, met just over 8 ½ years ago on Match.com. We were an instant ‘hit,’ and, in fact, married only six months after meeting. When looking for a place to wed, we spoke to my parents, who reminded me that my mother, Shirlee Walker, had directed the choir at the First Unitarian Church back in the early 60s and that might be a good venue to check on. We met with Tom Goldsmith and felt a strong attraction to the church, Tom, and the foundation of UU-ism. Neither of us were ‘church people’ nor did we have any kind of voluntary church presence in our past. Tom married us on Super Bowl Sunday Feb 1st 2009. The following Sunday we attended church, for both of us, the first time in our lives not dragged by a parent or attending a wedding or funeral. We LOVED Tom’s sermon: “That Thing Called Love” and were instantly hooked. During the coffee hour in Eliot Hall, we met a gal named Krista Bowers who was a member of the UU Chancel Choir. After telling her how we came to be married at this church, she insisted we come to choir rehearsal the following Wednesday evening. We walked in the door not knowing an alto from a fence post but, nevertheless, fell immediately in love with the choir and have been utterly engaged with it ever since.

I grew up in Salt Lake City, which was ‘interesting’ in the 60s and 70s for a non-Mormon- this valley was vastly more LDS back then and I and my family was not part of the ‘flock’. We were an outdoor family, raised by parents who loved hiking and skiing; that was my focus from early childhood and I think I went overboard to distance myself and my actions from the predominate religious culture. My mother had a Masters Degree in Music from the U and sated her love of music by directing choirs around the valley. I clearly recall attending a rehearsal at the Episcopal Church with her just before Christmas one year, I was probably in the 3rd or 4th grade, and was dumbfounded listening to the choir sing “Angels We Have Heard On High.” I think choir singing got under my skin at that moment, though it took over 45 years to do anything serious with the desire.

My father was in the army when I was born and was transferred to Wiesbaden, Germany for a few years when I was very young. We lived on an American airbase and so from age 1 to 4, I was exposed to continual aircraft images, noise and shear power that overwhelmed my senses, but also thrilled me. After returning to our Utah home in 1959, my dad resigned his commission and settled into a relatively normal life with a wife and 5 children. In 1963, Treasure Mountain, which is now Park City, opened with a need for ski patrolmen. My dad was a member of the National Ski patrol and had patrolled at Alta, part time in the early 60s, so Treasure Mountain was a natural for him, plus it offered free skiing to the entire family! That was the beginning of a very serious love of snow skiing for me and all my brothers. We had a younger sister, Heidi, who was too young to ski at the time. In 1965, my parents got wind that Salt Lake Winter Sports, now Alta Ski Lifts, was in search of an entrepreneur willing to take on a mid-mountain restaurant called The Watson Shelter. We ended up winning the business and that began the most magnificent growing up fairy tale life one could possibly imagine- a ‘Tom and Huck’ life in all distinctions except on a ski hill rather than a river. I’ve written a great deal about this chapter of my life and so did my mother who passed away in 2009, six weeks after Marcia and I were married. She left behind an unpublished book called “The Other Side of the Counter” all about our history at Alta. I intend, after retirement, to team with her, posthumously, and re-write, and hopefully publish, this book

That lifestyle lead to a brief foray into professional freestyle skiing when I was 20 (moguls, ballet and aerials) but I was too much of a party boy to be a serious competitor so went back to school, entering the University of Utah in 1975. In 1977 it did not snow until January so I had nothing to do during fall break. Having been taught carpentry skills during our Watson years, I ended up building a parts department inside an aircraft engine overhaul shop at the Salt Lake International Airport. After completing the job, which took about a year, I was asked to become a mechanic at this shop and they taught me all I needed to know. I subsequently dove into aviation with all my might and became an airline pilot. I have been flying now for 40 years and have been an airline pilot for 34. I’m on the final glide path of this career which I’ll finish on my 65th birthday (2 years, 8 months and 10 days from now, but who’s counting?)

My ‘words to live by’ include the Golden Rule: “Do unto others. . . ” but I also love a quote from the book/movie- “Lonesome Dove”- “It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.” (Captain Call’s words of wisdom as he hands a gun to Newt, who’s going on his first ride with the gang to Mexico to wrangle some horses from across the border.)

I’m deeply impressed with the Unitarian non-dogmatic exploration of religions and the church’s commitment to helping do good things for our congregation, our community and the wide world. I find Tom’s intelligence-based sermons intriguing and sometimes, even life changing. I’m a junior pilot at Southwest (three years) because I’ve been at a lot of airlines that failed post deregulation, so I work nearly all weekends and am rarely at church on Sundays. But when I can muster attendance, I’m invariably very impressed. I often watch the sermons later, on YouTube.

Marcia and I signed the book soon after we started attending- it was clear to us that the church and its ideals were in nearly prefect alignment with our own values. Making the commitment seemed like a no-brainer.

I’m kind of a natural organizer and cheerleader. These tendencies, along with a deep love of our choir, led me to become the choir president a few years ago (I bid my trips to always have Wednesday evenings off so I can be at rehearsal). I stay pretty busy in that capacity and find it extremely fulfilling. This year’s budget crisis found me heading up the choir’s fundraising drive and that’s been a fantastically high workload added to my life. My love of this church inspires me to do everything I can in that capacity, but organizing a fundraising drive every week for several months is a tremendous amount of work. I’m very proud of the success we, the choir, have enjoyed in this pursuit.

We also pledge generously! It is unimaginable to me that anyone in our church doesn’t pledge, signed or not. The value of what we receive is immeasurable and pledging is the brick and mortar that pays for all of it. Buildings and staff are not free. Not pledging is nearly tantamount to stealing in my view. You shouldn’t take something without offering something in return.