Reverendly Yours - Rev. Tom Goldsmith
Locker room talk is now a euphemism for degrading and objectifying women. The assumption rests on the idea that all guys participate in this conversation on either conquering women sexually or intending to do so. Even the Republican candidate running for president is not immune from such aggression towards women because, after all, he’s only a guy. It’s in the male DNA. Many believe that to be true.
We have devolved considerably since Jimmy Carter confessed (on a hot mic) having lust in his heart. He felt shame, and everyone had sympathy for poor Roselyn. But our exposure today to the course and vile view of women as objects to be groped at will, threatens to undermine every woman’s battle to achieve equality in our nation. Misogyny has been exemplified by a man vying for the White House.
But Trump’s problem is not misogyny as much as it is narcissism. The foremost characteristic of narcissists is grandiosity. The narcissist is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success in personal life, exaggerating one’s achievements and talents. The narcissist expects to be recognized as superior. The candidate running for the highest office in the land has a mental disorder. His continuous reference to his own brilliance, dismissal of challenges against him as part of a conspiracy, and his sexual conquests (mostly unwanted), offer a textbook example of a man living in his own fantasy world. The consequences of handing him the most powerful leadership seat in the world raises deep concerns. Our fleeing to Canada would not offer the escape sought from his illness.
As we now muddle through a new understanding of locker room talk, sexual predatory behavior, and definitions of masculinity, a little known college football coach is unwittingly providing a response to Trump’s sexism. Coach Tom Herman, who heads the University of Houston’s surprisingly successful football team, offers a new perspective on what goes on in the locker room. As player arrives for the game, the coach kisses them on the cheek. Of all the manly rituals one expects in this brutal game, kissing all the players sends a new message. It may be THE antidote to Trumpism.
How does Coach Herman account for such unorthodox behavior? In his second year of coaching, he says he has tremendous affection for all his players. The players say: If that gets us to win games, ok. And if we want to stay in the arena of mental diagnoses, psychologists praise the coach for his “frank articulation and emotion. He’s disrupting a stereotype about boys and men, a notion of masculinity that says boys and men are driven by the desire for competition and autonomy…all the research shows that humans are actually driven by the desire to be in connected communities.”
Our election this year is really about either tearing people apart or connecting with communities. Even in the den of highly charged testosterone, the locker room itself, men strive to show affection, brotherhood, and love. Leave behind the old myths about boys being boys in their conquest of women. Not true. It’s really about expressing their bonds of affection with each other. TRG